ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
