Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
