I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
