When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
