She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
