We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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