My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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