You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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