but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
