i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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