Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
