Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
wow bdsm is so cute
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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