how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
