Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
