just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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