im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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