Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
