I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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