he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
