Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
