I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
