I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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