The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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