That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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