ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
