let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
