I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
