would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
