me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
