just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
