Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
