p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
