apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
