Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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