Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
