she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
