If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
