no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i will never coherently bang her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
