I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
