If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
