Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
