It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize