1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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