Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
