my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
