the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
