dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's like heaven, but drunker
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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