You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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