we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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