Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
