Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
