I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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