She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
