ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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