apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
