I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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