I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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