Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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