I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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