The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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