I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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