I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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