Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
