if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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