But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
