I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
