Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
