about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
