U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize