I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
