I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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