I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
