Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
