dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
