i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
