I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
