that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
