so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
