This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
