I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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