the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
