I met the friendliest cop last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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