Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
