I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
