I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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