hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
